Oh how sweet those little faces looked as babies. They lit up when we entered the room, they smiled when we made funny faces, and they laughed, a deep belly laugh, when we played. Our hearts were full, theirs were not.

Adoption has many great benefits. Children are placed in homes where they are safe and cared for and deeply loved. And couples that can’t have kids or who want another to complete their family can. And emotionally too there are many holes in their hearts that are filled by adoption. All but one.

Where is the hole?

A child is made to be loved by his biological dad and mom. Any change in that can cause holes in his heart. I used to think that our love as adopted parents could fill that hole. And what I have found is that it can but not completely. There seems to be a continuous search for my adopted kiddos to know they are loved. It manifests itself in different ways for each kid, but there is no denying that the rejection they experienced physically, now affects them emotionally.

They wonder why was I not good enough to be kept and am I unlovable. Then there are the questions of where do I fit, who do I look like, do they miss me like I miss them sometimes. No matter how much we try, we cannot answer those questions. No amount of logic fills the void. It is set sadly.

Don’t misread me here. This doesn’t seem to consume them. The majority of their heart is whole. There are just moments when this mom’s heart aches for their heart as I get a glimpse of their hole.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to try it free for 30 days, and if you decide to keep it only then will you  have to pay for it.

When I last posted, we were asking some questions (re: house rules, etc) that we felt we needed answered right away. Wrong! Those answers will come, but not before we get a whole lot of other questions out of the way.

Our new daily schedule

Life does not stop when you have a crisis situation in your home. Meals need to be planned and made, shopping needs to be done, house needs to be kept up, other kids need to be paid attention to. Many nights I have gone to bed exhausted, but unable to sleep. I wake up early and face the dawn telling myself “God has given me everything I need to face this day”. And He has and I do, usually.

Other Questions?

School was looming. And teenager activities were beckoning. We did need to decide how much leeway to give her based on the little we knew. I kept getting clues though. She tries to act like a teenager, but I see, several times a day, her real self – for lack of better words. She reminded me of my 10 year olds. Based on how we got to this hard place, bad teenage choices, we decided that she might not have the mental capability to make choices of more than a 10 year old. We opted to go from that standpoint. We only give her the freedom we would give a 10 year old. She has settled right down and seems to feel safe most of the time. No struggles whatsoever against the rules that apply for that age. Thank goodness.

So what about School?

We did not feel home schooling was a good option (due to some logistics in our neighborhood and activities she was already involved in at school). We cannot afford private schooling, but rode the fence almost up to the week before school before we decided. Then a good friend of mine told us she had just gotten a job transfer to my daughter’s school and we felt based on this and other relationships already established there with adults, she would be cared for. We sent her back. That too seems to be going well.

One Other thing…

We knew that staying busy would help her right now, not overwhelming but doing what she loves. Her self esteem is very low and she is depressed. So we set her back up in horseback riding (for free from a great family who has a heart for kiddos like her) and continued on with Taekwondo. She seems more content. We have also started some counseling with the local mental health clinic. And are continuing on the road to determine what (other than the obvious) may be causing these delays.

Plus, with school, I get a break now during the day and am sleeping better without the continuous stress for 15 hours a day. My husband notices my face seems more relaxed. I hope my attitude is too.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to try it free for 30 days, and if you decide to keep it only then will you  have to pay for it.