While this seems like an easy out, there are a few options prior to making this choice that beg to be considered. Starting with, what is going on with your kid basically? Has the dynamics of his life changed, foundation shifted, like a divorce, change of schools, remarriage? What is the time span of this behavior? If it has been short-lived, keep the lines of communication open and listen when he talks. If it is longer, and talking is resulting in shouting and slamming, or, worse hitting, the next step is possibly implementing a parenting program.

Sometimes this is called a child behavior program, but I like parenting program because it feels more proactive. I am working with my child to become a successful, fulfilled adult and I must have the skills needed in order to do this. There are several different programs on the market. One I use is Parenting with Love and Logic which provides  good information and is geared more toward raising up children who are learning to become independent and may get off track occasionally. I personally favor Total Transformation program as I have had the most success with it. And it also addresses issues with kids who are most difficult to deal with in easy to follow step by step information. When the stress level is high, it is nice to just have a handbook to refer to.

At this time, adding in a therapist or child counselor would be highly beneficial. Doing this in conjunction with a parenting program is ideal as you have the added support on an ongoing basis. Sometimes, it may help to place the kiddo in a therapeutic environment until you get your new parenting skills up and running. You will have opportunities in the therapy center to practice as most will offer family counseling.

Last resort, in my opinion, is military school. Some kids will thrive on this structure, but as it addresses the behavior and not the thinking behind the behavior, it may only be a bandaid. If you decide to go this route, have a plan in place when your child gets home. Make structure and accountability priorities in your house, so your child doesn’t slide back into his or her old habits.  Also, I was surprised to learn that many schools won’t accept openly defiant, out-of-control teens. And if they get booted out, you lose your tuition money.

So there are the options. It is up to you to decide – is military school the answer for you and your child?

For many more tips on parenting decisions including the military school option, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

First rule of thumb for an effective child behavior program is to determine what child behaviors you are looking to change. Is it acting  out or is it establishing new behaviors? Let me give you an example of each. Acting out – screaming and yelling in the grocery store; new behavior – a consistent, self–started study time each night.

Once you have determined the child behavior you are working with, you are then able to make a decision on whether to reward or not. For me it is simple, acting out – No! That is just rewarding bad behavior. Setting up new behavior, including acting appropriately in the store, rewards can be a definite plus.

So let’s go over how I implement a reward system:

1. Determine the reward. You can figure out what reward works best for you and your child by just looking at what they like to do or maybe favorite treats. If you are not sure, ask them. Now know that rewards can be as simple as a pat on the back or elaborate as a new video game. I just feel it should be in line with what the new behavior is.
2. Determine the length of time. I have been told that a habit takes 30 days to establish. And I use this as one of my measurements for length of time. If it is a long term behavior, like study skills or cleaning their room or behaving in public, I set up a reward for each time the activity occurs up to 1 month and then have a final reward at the end, usually an outing together or something less monetary and more relational.  I remember using this when potty training. If it is a temporary behavior, like a school project or short term chore, I do something more like after they have completed the daily requirement for that activity give them 15 minutes on their video game. I don’t reward at the end as I believe the feeling of accomplishment and resulting self esteem of seeing a job completed is the reward. Of course, they get an “atta boy”!
3. Open communication. I do not make this process a mystery to my child. I explain how it will work and my expectations when the rewards are finished. This would be something along the lines of “at the end of 30 days of studying every night at 7, you will have added good study habits and perseverance to your tools of becoming a successful adult. This tool will have lifelong rewards.” As for the above acting out example, if you tell them you are going to work on being appropriate in public (always good for the long term!) and set up the rewards before instead of in the middle of the screaming fit, you are letting them know that you reward good behavior and not bad.

Changing or establishing good child behavior is an ongoing and evolving process. This is just one way to help with that. Please note, I do not believe rewarding is bribing as rewarding is a short term process.

Do you have questions on your child behavior program?

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

Teens are additionally masters of thinking errors, which is easy to understand, for the reason that from my personal experience kids do not start thinking rationally until at some point in their twenties. Consequently up until that time, their thinking is defective. A excellent example of this is the victim mentality.

It’s not my fault!

That’s the mantra of the defiant child with the victim attitude – that nothing is ever their mistake. Generally this stance comes about when they’re challenged by a circumstance, or they can’t meet their duties. I’ve got a little shooter that will use any defense in the book not to accomplish his homework, and it’s never his fault. Teacher did not make me check my box. I had to go to youth group. You took too long making dinner and I ran out of time. Brother took my time period on the video game, so I got started late. On and on and on. Always everybody else’s problem.

Here’s the dilemma with that. Generally, whenever a struggling teen won’t meet his obligations, natural consequences will help him change next time. If he doesn’t perform his homework, he will get in trouble by the teacher and perhaps ashamed in front of the class, and next time hopefully he will do his homework. Whenever a teenager has the victim attitude, however, he perceives it is not his wrong doing, so he doesn’t need to really feel ashamed or in trouble. His thinking error is that he did not do anything wrong.

Exactly how do you deal with little victims?

The most effective way to manage this problem is to confront them directly. Inform them “your teacher said you are not getting your homework completed. What is going on?” and let them respond. If they blame someone else, don’t argue with them, but say plainly “This is your responsibility. In the event that you need assistance, you can ask for it. You’re not the victim here – you have options”. Then ask if he has homework, and tell him to go do it and let you know when it’s finished. Zero long lectures, merely get him moving. It’s alright if he seems uncomfortable, that’s precisely where you want him!

For many more tips and techniques to deal with child behavior problem’s, check out The Total Transformation. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

So what do we do? Here are a few things that have worked for me, maybe you’ll be able to bring about a change in your child’s behavior, too!

1. You have to make your “no” means “no”. This means, if you say “no” to something, stick to it. Even if you wish you hadn’t said no in the first place, you still have to stick to your original no. I find myself just automatically saying “no” sometimes, kind of a knee-jerk reaction. So I’ve lately made an effort to think before I say “no”, and try to say “yes” as much as possible. But, if you do say “no”, don’t waffle – stick to it!
2. Don’t let them turn you around. The best thing you can do when your child is arguing your rules or consequence is to say “No, I’m not going to discuss this any further” and turn around and walk away. Don’t reply if they continue to badger you – just keep walking. Kids need a reasonable amount of explanation, but when you’ve given them that you don’t owe them anything else. Besides, when they continue badgering you, they don’t want to hear your explanation, they just want to change your mind.
3. Over-stimulated? Give them a break. One thing I’ve noticed about my kids is that when they get over-stimulated, it’s almost impossible to talk to them. They won’t look me in the eye, they just continue to misbehave and escalate. What you need to do in this instance is to take them to their room and have a little seat or place for them to cool down and recover from the over-stimulation. Then, after about five minutes you go in and talk to them simply and firmly about what the boundaries and/or expectations are. And ask them if they can do it. If they can, you can let them out of the room. If not, give them a few more minutes in there.

If you’re having problems changing your child’s behavior, try these three ideas and I’m certain you’ll see some major improvement fast! Remember, you’re the boss, and you have to let them know that from the start.

I can hear you saying, “That all sounds great, but can I do it?” How can I get us there?

Don’t lose hope yet, there is help out there. And yes you can do it!

Get some great workable ideas. Click here to get going today! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.