This article may not seem like it has anything to do with parenting, but if you’ll bear with me I think it will make sense. It’s written by my husband.

My name is Matt Hellstrom. As a Christian, I believe that God loves me and wants the best for me. I’ve also experienced much pain and disappointment in my life. I’ve had many prayers go unanswered, at least that’s what I assumed when they weren’t answered like I thought they should be. This led to an interesting dilemma: if God loves me and wants the best for me, why did he allow things to happen that were clearly sinful and harmful to me? In other words, why do bad things happen to good people? Another way to put it is why does God allow suffering and pain? These are probably the biggest questions of believers (and non-believers) alike. That would be my guess anyway.

About a year ago we were looking for a book or something to study with a couple of friends and we stumbled upon Shattered Dreams – God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy by Larry Crabb. I’d read books by Larry Crabb before and knew he was a very good author, though most of the books I’d read by him were very deep and hard to digest. We decided to give it a try, and it’s had a huge impact.

God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy

The sub-title alone was slightly ominous: God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy. What did he mean by “Shattered Dreams” and just what was this pathway? We were soon to find out.

Dr. Crabb uses the Book of Ruth as a basis for his book. He focuses on Naomi, the mother -in-law of Ruth who experiences the pain of losing a husband, then both sons. She goes on to deal with that pain in a way that is not normal, at least to most Christians – she gets mad! As Christians, we’re taught two things: First, that mourning has a time limit. At some point, we insist on victory. Second, there is a proper way to mourn.

Ugly battles should remain out of sight. Acceptable battles may be shared, but only if we season our account with hope. It’s ok to say “My wife and I sometimes quarrel, but we know the Spirit is working to bring us closer together. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear “My wife and I hate each other’s guts right now. We want a good marriage, but we have no idea what to do and we’re scared out of our wits we’ll never figure it out”. That type of talk isn’t accepted in the church.

Well guess what? It’s ok to mourn, to feel pain, and to face it. There aren’t any time limits for mourning, and it ok to be angry about it. It’s ok! Why? Because that’s where you meet God, and experience his love – in the midst of the pain. God’s desire is to have a relationship with him, and he’s willing to use, or at least allow, anything, including pain, to build that relationship.

This is Larry Crabb’s premise with Shattered Dreams, and I tell you, reading it is a wonderful and worthwhile journey. But I also warn you, it will turn your world upside down, and make you look at things in a totally different way.

So how does this relate to parenting?

Going through Shattered Dreams allowed me to realize its ok to face my pain. It also got me started on the path of discovery concerning past hurts and sins committed by me and to me. And led me to the realization that I had some deeper problems that I could now address. I learned about the concept of having an “inner child”, and I determined that my inner child was damaged and needed to be reclaimed and healed. And this in turn led me to the conclusion that some of my learned coping behaviors because of this damage were in turn harming my own children. When I came to the conclusion that the pain of staying put was worse than the pain of changing, I subsequently embarked on another long and wonderful journey which I’ll call Reclaiming Little Matt.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it free for a limited time. Just order and then complete and return the enclosed Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.