When I first heard about the concept of the inner child I have to admit I was pretty skeptical. I mean, having a bunch of little kids living inside of you. Really? I don’t know…

Well, now I do know for sure that this is exactly the case. As strange as it sounds, these little kids can come out at different times and take over control of your body. And if you don’t do something about it, your behavior can be very destructive to yourself and to the people around you, including your kids. If it’s allowed to continue, you can cause long-term damage that you’re kids will have to deal with as they grow up.

In fact, that’s the main reason that adults have these spontaneous age regressions – because their parents had the same inner child issues. And it goes on and on, from generation to generation.

I decided it was going to be different for me.

The start of the journey occurred when I realized that certain situations or comments by my wife would send me into an altered state of consciousness. It was like I wasn’t even myself any more. I’d get angry and lash out and say things that were extremely immature. Or I’d pout or sulk. Basically, act like a kid. Not only that, but I couldn’t function as an adult at all. It was like I forgot how to work. My head was numb. I couldn’t think!

I was led to a book called Homecoming – Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw. As I started to read, I couldn’t believe it! This guy had gone through the exact same things that I had.

Bradshaw explained that when I was raging and punishing my family with withdrawal, I was regressing to my childhood, where I had swallowed my anger and expressed it the only way a child could – in punishing withdrawal. Then, after I was done with my emotional or physical withdrawal bout, I felt like the lonesome and shame-based little boy that I had been.

He then goes on to say that when a child’s development is arrested, when feelings are repressed, especially the feelings of anger and hurt, the child grows up to be an adult with an angry, hurt child inside of him. This child will spontaneously contaminate the person’s adult behavior.

John goes on to say that he believes that this neglected, wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery, and until we reclaim and champion that child, he will continue to act out an contaminate our adult lives.

I totally agree. Since going through the process of reclaiming my own inner child, I have recognized this in many, many people. I also believe that we not only contaminate our own lives, but pretty much anyone else we come in contact with.

What does it mean to reclaim and champion that inner child?

The process involves recording some scripts that are outlined in the book and then listening to them with your eyes closed, like you’re meditating. What you do is go back in your mind to when you were an infant, and get that child and take him with you. You then promise to love and care for that child (as the adult you) and give them the things they didn’t get when they were that age.

You then repeat the process for all the different age levels: toddler, preschool, school age, and adolescent. Eventually, you have reclaimed all of your inner children, and you champion them by caring for them, loving them, and making them feel safe.

Are you crazy?

I know that’s how it may sound, but I believe it’s totally true. I have come a long way since I started this journey, and I still have a ways to go. Things still happen that trigger me to go into my child, but I’m starting to be able to recognize it and deal with it in a healthy way, as opposed to the toxic way I used to.

Good news and bad news

The bad news is, those triggers will come up for the rest of my life. I will never be totally healed. The good news is that it will get better and better, and I’ve got a plan on how to deal with these issues. Plus, the difference is amazing! If you’re interested at all in healing the inner child, or feel that this might apply to you, I encourage you to get a copy of Homecoming.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it free for a limited time. You just order and then complete and return the Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

This article may not seem like it has anything to do with parenting, but if you’ll bear with me I think it will make sense. It’s written by my husband.

My name is Matt Hellstrom. As a Christian, I believe that God loves me and wants the best for me. I’ve also experienced much pain and disappointment in my life. I’ve had many prayers go unanswered, at least that’s what I assumed when they weren’t answered like I thought they should be. This led to an interesting dilemma: if God loves me and wants the best for me, why did he allow things to happen that were clearly sinful and harmful to me? In other words, why do bad things happen to good people? Another way to put it is why does God allow suffering and pain? These are probably the biggest questions of believers (and non-believers) alike. That would be my guess anyway.

About a year ago we were looking for a book or something to study with a couple of friends and we stumbled upon Shattered Dreams – God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy by Larry Crabb. I’d read books by Larry Crabb before and knew he was a very good author, though most of the books I’d read by him were very deep and hard to digest. We decided to give it a try, and it’s had a huge impact.

God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy

The sub-title alone was slightly ominous: God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy. What did he mean by “Shattered Dreams” and just what was this pathway? We were soon to find out.

Dr. Crabb uses the Book of Ruth as a basis for his book. He focuses on Naomi, the mother -in-law of Ruth who experiences the pain of losing a husband, then both sons. She goes on to deal with that pain in a way that is not normal, at least to most Christians – she gets mad! As Christians, we’re taught two things: First, that mourning has a time limit. At some point, we insist on victory. Second, there is a proper way to mourn.

Ugly battles should remain out of sight. Acceptable battles may be shared, but only if we season our account with hope. It’s ok to say “My wife and I sometimes quarrel, but we know the Spirit is working to bring us closer together. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear “My wife and I hate each other’s guts right now. We want a good marriage, but we have no idea what to do and we’re scared out of our wits we’ll never figure it out”. That type of talk isn’t accepted in the church.

Well guess what? It’s ok to mourn, to feel pain, and to face it. There aren’t any time limits for mourning, and it ok to be angry about it. It’s ok! Why? Because that’s where you meet God, and experience his love – in the midst of the pain. God’s desire is to have a relationship with him, and he’s willing to use, or at least allow, anything, including pain, to build that relationship.

This is Larry Crabb’s premise with Shattered Dreams, and I tell you, reading it is a wonderful and worthwhile journey. But I also warn you, it will turn your world upside down, and make you look at things in a totally different way.

So how does this relate to parenting?

Going through Shattered Dreams allowed me to realize its ok to face my pain. It also got me started on the path of discovery concerning past hurts and sins committed by me and to me. And led me to the realization that I had some deeper problems that I could now address. I learned about the concept of having an “inner child”, and I determined that my inner child was damaged and needed to be reclaimed and healed. And this in turn led me to the conclusion that some of my learned coping behaviors because of this damage were in turn harming my own children. When I came to the conclusion that the pain of staying put was worse than the pain of changing, I subsequently embarked on another long and wonderful journey which I’ll call Reclaiming Little Matt.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it free for a limited time. Just order and then complete and return the enclosed Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.