One thing I find very interesting as a parent is how kids deal with things that they feel are unfair. I found that when they don’t believe the situation is fair, all rules go out the window. The fairness becomes the focus not the unacceptable behavior.

Let me give you an example. I have firm rules about the time and the length of time the kids can play video games.  Sometimes the length of time gets bumped due to the time they must be finished. My 11-year old cannot abide this hierarchy.  “But Mom, Sean got to play for an hour.  Why do I have to get off at 5? I only started at 4:30.” This conversation is, of course, happening  about 5:15 too! So now the focus is redirected from playing past the stop time to getting his full hour. And if I let him, away we would go down this rabbit trail with me trying to defend why the stop time has first preference over the length of time, again!

And guess what isn’t getting addressed? That’s right…the stop time infraction. It takes concerted effort on my part to recognize “the unfair” distraction and stay focused. Don’t misunderstand me here, I explained the hierarchy when I established these rules so this is not a surprise to him.

Ok so what do I do? I listen for the fair word to come up so I am not sideswiped and find myself down the road. I continue to stay focused on the infraction at hand.  Just as a great side note, I have noticed that when I do this right, my child feels safe. My guess it is because I am in control and as I’ve said before, every kid wants to know who is in charge here and am I loved.

James Lehman talks about this “fairness” issue in the Total Transformation Program, saying that “Injustice” is one of the characteristics and practice of children with disrespectful, obnoxious, abusive behavior. Some of the others that he talks about are One-Way Boundaries, Casing, False Apologies, and Pride in Negativity. In all, he describes 16 characteristics that parents of this type of child should be aware of. You need to find out more about Total Transformation today if you’ve got these kind of problems with your child.

Parenting Allies - A Parenting Forum and Social Network site

We were thinking it would be cool to have a social site similar to Facebook just for parents - then we found out a way to create your own social network, so we went ahead and did it! We decided to call it Parenting Allies, because in today’s world parenting is a tough job, and we need all the friends or allies we can get!

So what is Parenting Allies?

Parenting Allies is simply a place for you to go and share with other parents. There are many areas you can participate in, or you can just go there to look around and see what others are doing. Like Facebook, you can have friends and be notified when they do something. There are many other neat areas to discover, too, for example:

Parenting Forum

There is a parenting forum that is devoted to conversation with other parents in a forum type of setting. With topics such as Teenagers, ADD and ADHD, Adoption and Foster Care, Parenting Products, and Helpful Hints there is a section for everyone.

Blogs

You can create your own that’s just visible to you, you and your friends, or everyone. Of course, you can read others there as well.

Videos, Pictures, and Music

Post your favorite videos, photos, and music for all the parents to see or listen to.

These are just a few examples of what you’ll find at Parenting Allies. Best of all - it’s free to join. Take a look today!

Focus Formula - Click On Picture For More Info!

This is our experience with ADHD natural remedies. We’ve tried several different things, and what we’ve found is that different things work for different kids. Medication, natural ADHD remedies, and behavior modification programs have all worked with our kids. This particular article is about ADHD natural remedies.

As it seems to be more common than we thought, 3 of our 5 adopted kiddos have ADHD or ADD. Our 15-year old took medication for 4 years, but in her “I am my own person” stage has refused to continue. Sadly, her impulsivity has got her into trouble some.

My 11-year old is now on medication and he does well and it has helped him with night time wetting as he is not sleeping so deep at night. Sleepovers are much more comfortable now for him.

My youngest is also in the ADHD boat. However, this is only one on a list of many health problems this sweetie has. He has cerebral palsy also, but it is his sensory integration disorder that makes dealing with his ADHD almost impossible. You see he cannot tolerate any textures in his mouth or smells out of the ordinary. His body physically rejects it. Unfortunately it took us a few tries of different meds before we discovered this (counseling fund has already been set up due to this setback!) was the cause of him not being able to take meds.

Believe me, I tried everything! Hide it in ice cream, sprinkle it on waffles, pushing it back on his tongue. He just couldn’t swallow it and he could definitely taste the bitterness. So then we tried the patch.

Since this is only available in the stimulant form, we had serious bounce back when the medicine started wearing off. He became weepy and destructive. That didn’t work either.

I did hear from a naturopath that caffeine offset the symptoms, so for 6 months this lucky kiddo got Diet Pepsi for lunch. (No sugar which would negate the purpose!) Saw little difference here. And I was nearing the end of my rope and the doctor said we may need to research other things that might be taking place instead of ADHD.

In a fit of desperation, I googled “my kid has adhd and can’t take meds”. Several homeopathic remedies came up! Hmm, maybe on to something here. So I did some research and decided to try a product called Focus Formula from Native Remedies. All natural ingredients was a definite plus. Downside, minimum 3 weeks to see results. We went ahead anyway.

The results? I just ordered my second bottle. My baby went from earning zero points for staying on task at school to earning 11 (the maximum). After  3 months, he is able to self start on his homework, stay focused on it, earn an average of 8 points at school and his frustration level is way down. The best thing – drops instead of pills. We put it in root beer, and he slugs it right down! He knows it’s in there, he even does it himself!

I am ecstatic and he is happier. Success in life has a way of doing that for a boy! If you’re having trouble and have the same “pill swallowing” problems that we did, maybe one of the natural ADHD remedies like Focus Formula is for your little one.

Teenagers are masters at arguing. That fact wouldn’t be so hard to handle if I didn’t find myself getting sucked into it. Before I know it, I am miles down “Argument Lane” and frustration doesn’t even being to describe my insides!

So one day, after several of these go rounds with my 15-yr old, I decided something has to give. I remember hearing an interesting tidbit on Total Transformation CD #7 how to stop this from continuing. It had to start with me having a conversation with said 15-yr old outside “Argument Lane”. I stated that the next time he started in,  I was going to listen to his side once only. After that, if he didn’t like what he heard, it was up to him to have a strategy to walk away (I helped him figure out a few ideas like walking away, going to his room and listening to tunes, shooting hoops).

And while he was doing that, to think positive thoughts instead of the negative “this isn’t fair” or better yet “my mom is such a jerk” ones that perpetuate his arguing.  Also helping him (since he was a novice at this positive way), I suggested he weigh the consequences (which we discussed during this time too) and decide if the arguing was worth it and even use this phrase as part of his positive thinking. Or “what is my part in this?”

The results have been good. I have had to prompt him when he starts down the “Lane” and he has responded well.  I like it here on “Communication Lane” much better and I think he may even agree!

As we work through the Total Transformation DVD’s and CD’s, we thought it would be worthwhile to explain a little about what the workbook is like, so you know what to expect from that part of the program.

The Total Transformation workbook is 118 pages, and it starts out explaining a little about the program, and a little about the creator, James Lehman. Then it immediately jumps into the training – it suggests you watch the Jump Start DVD, then answer a bunch of questions about your child (or children, as in our case – you may need to make extra copies of these pages). These questions are designed to help you identify the behaviors to focus on with your kid(s).

Then, Mr. Lehman suggests going to lesson 1 in the workbook, and taking a pre-test to lesson 1. After you take the test, you are to listen to CD #1 and then go through the exercises and/or additional information in the workbook. After lesson 1 in the workbook, there is a post-test, exactly the same as the pre-test, for you to take and see if your answers changed. He doesn’t do the post-test in every chapter, but he does do the pre-test.

A few of examples of the true/false questions he asks in the workbook are:

1. Children have to learn to feel good about themselves in order to be successful.
2. Inappropriate behavior is usually caused by low self-esteem.
3. When children lose control, they do not know what they are doing or saying.
4. Children will learn to solve their own problems if you only let them.

The answers to the above questions? 1: False 2: False 3: False 4: False

Did you get them all right? I know I didn’t – in fact, when I first took the test I only got 3 out of 10 right! I think I have some things to learn, right? The cool thing is, I have 5 kids and the oldest is 15, but it doesn’t matter – it’s never too late to get started with this program. All of my kids, including the oldest, have changed significantly from the techniques I’m now using.

The Total Transformation workbook goes through each chapter and CD in a similar fashion – recap, training, special words from Mr. Lehman, and tests. It’s great – and it’s not overwhelming. He suggests you take it one CD per week, and work on one, two, ten, or all of the techniques suggested. Then, move on to the next DVD.

Next post - the Jump Start DVD.