Do you sometimes feel like you should win the Worst Parent of the Year Award? Do you think that you’re just the worst parents ever, the worst parents in the world, even the worst parents in the history of the world? Well, hopefully it’s not that bad, but all of us feel at times that we’re just not cutting it as parents, especially when we compare our kids to other people’s kids.

Don’t compare your inside to other peoples outside

Here’s a simple trick I learned to help me not feel like I’m the worst parent of the year – to not compare what I know about myself or my family to what I see about other people or their families. Let me give you an example.

I’m a mobile loan-closer, and I get to go to many different houses and meet many different people. One time, I went to this nice, clean, warm-feeling house. It wasn’t especially fancy, but it had a good feeling about it, as I did about the people living there. During the process of the signing, I learned that they were preparing for a wedding shower that afternoon, and there was much joy in the air!

I found myself thinking “These guys have it all together. A kid getting married, a nice clean house with stain-free furniture, good steady jobs – everything anyone could want”. I started to feel sorry for myself, maybe a little guilty, possible even angry.

Well, I started to have a conversation with these lovely folks about life in general, and found out that their life was nothing like it seemed on the outside. They had many problems with their kids, and financial struggles to boot. I walked away thinking “I don’t have it so bad”.

What a beautiful house!

Another time I did a closing for a couple on top of a hill, with a nice view. As I was leaving, I noticed another house that was situated in such a way that out of one window the view was of a beautiful lake and from the other side of the house you looked out over the city, with all its lights. I immediately became jealous of the owner of this house, thinking how fortunate other people are – major pity party! Well, wouldn’t you know it, I got an order a month or two later to do a closing at that very house. I thought “Cool! I can hardly wait to see the views from inside, and see what kind of neat furnishings and architecture is in there.”

The day came for me to go there, and I walked up to the door in trepidation. The owner opened the door, and I was shocked to see he was in a wheelchair! Come to find out, this fine gentleman had Multiple Sclerosis, and didn’t have much longer to live. Talk about God giving me a lesson in appreciating what I had!

These things happen all the time

I recently received a message in Facebook from the wife of one of the elders at our church, who said how much she enjoys sitting behind our family in church. This was comical to me, as I’m constantly at a stress level of 10 – you know, head about to explode – thinking about how horribly my kids behave. They talk during prayer, they won’t stand up during worship, they periodically punch each other for no reason whatsoever, as far as I can tell. I just think they’re the most out-of-control, wild, strong-willed kids I’ve ever seen. You see, I’m comparing their inside to other kids’ outside. There are some kids that I’ve noticed standing very reverently in church, only to see them later on in Sunday School bullying or making fun of an underdog. It’s then that I realize – my kids might be wild, but they’re kind. I’ll take that any day of the week!

I encourage you, when you think you’re the worst parent of the year, try not to compare your inside to everyone else’s outside. It’s a no-win situation.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to try it free for 30 days, and if you decide to keep it only then will you  have to pay for it.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

Matt & I decided to get into a program titled “Family Strengthening” provided by Washington State University (go Cougs!). Its focus is for kids age 10-14 and their parents. Since we have 3 (and one in crisis) in that age group, any help we could get we are taking. And the free part was added incentive.

We were skeptical on whether there would be anything we could use in our unique family. And our teens were less enthusiastic than that, to say the least! However, the very first week we learned something that has changed how we view our teens’ actions. Their brains are going through the same transition as it did when they were 2 years old – so we weren’t being mean when we said “you are acting just like a 2 year old”!

Let me see if I can explain. The parts of the brain that are developing , the generative part, interacts with the emotions and quickly overwhelms the frontal lobes – which possess  thoughtful, rational and conscience driven restraints  on behavior. The twist on all this is that the frontal lobes do not fully mature until early 20s. So guess what? Parents have no other option but to be their teens’ frontal lobes for a time. Whether you or your teens like it or not.

The good news is that this (as is all parenting) IS a gradual letting go as they and their brains mature. With most kiddos, this will be a learning from their mistakes experience. For my girl, it will involve that and learning skills that will help her stay safe because that development is hopefully only delayed. We have seen some progress with these skills, like calling us when she feels in over her head and can’t see a way out. We parents, the frontal lobes, will provide one.

So on we march on in this journey. With a few more tools in our bag.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to try it free. For a limited time, you just order it and complete and return the enclosed Feedback Survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.