We are now in week 3 of life with a teenager in crisis. We are in the middle of trying to figure out if there is more going on her than bad teenager choices. You see with adopted kids (who come out of the foster system) there is sadly damage. I first believed as we started taking care of these kiddos that love and prayer can make everything all better!

And Now?

Now I believe love and prayer are the only way we can get through this life, but don’t necessarily make it better. So we are trying to piece together a very spotty adoption file to see what may have happened prenatally. We know a few things post-birth since that is what put her into the foster system. And those things in and of themselves are manifesting their ugly symptoms. And there seems to be more.

Where to Start Looking for Answers

In the last week, we have gone to a great Christian crisis center where my best friend is director. The medical staff is helping us sort through the above questions (they actually pointed us in that direction in the first place) and one of their counselors has taken my daughter under her wing. The question I am trying to get answered is…

Do the Answers Change the Method of Parenting?

We have house rules. We make them tangible rules that are verifiable with consequences that apply. But what if she doesn’t have the mental ability to get these rules? Does this mean our daughter is in danger and we just say “you can’t do that”? Or do we continue on the same path? Questions we want answered so we can parent this child into a responsible and successful young adult.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it for free for a limited time. You just order and then complete and return the enclosed Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

Do you really know what your teens are doing online? If you have a computer and teens in your house, then you need to have internet filtering software installed. There are some that are described as Parental Controls for Christians and they market themselves as being developed to appeal to the Christian community. It’s just plain scary what is going on, possibly right under our noses.

MySpace, Facebook and YouTube are 3 examples of thousands of social networking sites available on the internet today. While these sites are cool and allow kids to talk and easily share things with each other, they can also be extremely dangerous. One of the goals on MySpace and Facebook is to have as many friends as possible, and because of this predators abound on these sites. It’s easy for someone to pass themselves off as someone they’re not, and to gain the confidence of your child. From there it’s simple to find out where they live and possibly “show up” at your house.

These social sites are just the latest example of exploitable areas on the web. There also still remains the threat of pornography, weapons sites, and any number of other threats.

So what can you do?

First, get a good parental control program. A free one that is recommended by James Dobson is K9 Web Protection. I haven’t used this one, but it must be good if Dr. Dobson recommends it. The product I use is called Safe Eyes, which I believe is the most advanced internet filtering software available. It was recommended to me by the youth pastor at my church.

Safe Eyes gives you a great amount of flexibility, and works very well. You can set up individual accounts for different kids, and block groups of sites based on category. You also have the ability to block individual sites. You can also block chat type of sites if you want.

In addition to this site-blocking capability, you can also limit the child to how much time per day that he can spend on the internet, and you can choose the hours that it’s available. We shut our kids off after 9 PM. One saying that we have is that nothing good happens after midnight. On a side note, that’s our curfew time for our teens, and probably will be forever. For more information about Safe Eyes click here.

Here are a few more tips I gained from an article by Elisabeth Wilkins, Editor of Empowering Parents website. You can view the entire article here.

Most importantly, begin conversation about internet safety as soon as you allow your kids on the internet. They need to know the dangers right away.

Keep the computer in a central space in your house. It’s important that none of this stuff – computers, cell phones, iphones – should be in their bedroom. Children don’t have self control, and they don’t understand the dire consequences – you have to take care of them!

Have your teen help you set up your Facebook account. They’ll probably roll their eyes, but it’s a good teaching opportunity for you to look into security settings with them, making sure the profile is private. Explain to them how if their profile is public, anyone can see it, including prospective employers. Many people haven’t gotten jobs because this is common practice today, checking the internet for information on possible employees.

Tell them to never post their address, phone numbers, or social security numbers. Also, explain the danger of sharing their passwords with anyone. There have been cases where a relationship has gone sour and people have gotten revenge through a Myspace or Facebook profile, by posing as the person with whom they have the grudge.

These are just a few points. Many more are discussed in the article, called Parents, Get a Clue: What Teens are Really Doing Online.

Do you care about your kid’s safety and innocence? Then don’t wait, take the steps to protect them today. Get some internet filtering software, and talk, talk, talk. It may be the most important thing you’ve ever done!

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it free for a limited time. Just order and then complete and return the enclosed Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.

I am hoping this article will prove cathartic as I have just had 2 bad days with my 14-year old sweet girl. She is making awful life changing choices and remorse is not even listed in her dictionary. We have been batting these problems down for the last 3 months but no longer will that suffice. And I am swinging in the dark.

Where’s the Light Switch?

I had already laid some of the groundwork by working through Total Transformation by James Lehman. However, I felt I needed more specific information regarding information on how to deal with where her train derailed. A month ago, I was given Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. I started consuming this night before last. I am getting lessons on choices and consequences that I realize I have not been very good at as a parent. And I have decided to stop fighting the control battle with her.

Teens will Almost Always Win the Control Battle

The battle started having a name! Control and independence. I got some great info on control. And I will get back to you on how it went addressing her independence needs in a way that helps her to grow towards that where she is taking care of herself and I am not so scared.

Control Rules

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic hits this nail squarely on the head. “Never take more control than you need. Or do I need any? Will advice and options teach a valuable lesson instead?”

The ground rules are basic:

1. Avoid control battles at all cost.
2. If you are forced to have a control battle – on those rare occasions when it CAN’T be avoided – then win at all costs.
3. Pick the issue carefully and deliberately without threatening to do so. Just do it.

This will make teens think about their decisions. Our goal for raising a responsible young adult.

My heart is ragged. My hope a bit dirty. But my love for her causes me to continue reaching for her and moving forward.

As you browse around this site, we hope you’ll find some effective parenting skills that will work for your family. As far as our family goes, we believe  The Total Transformation Program is the one tool that’s had the biggest impact on our household, but you need to find out for yourself. Click here to get it free for a limited time. Just order and then complete and return the enclosed Feedback survey.

You might be wondering if I’m making money by promoting this program, and the answer is yes! If you buy it after visiting my website, I will earn a commission.  The truth is, I tried it and liked it so much, that I decided it would be something I would feel proud to support and promote, and as a bonus, I get a commission if you buy it.